Author: misschryss

Ejo #20 – A Few Thoughts On Islam (And What It Means To Be Muslim)

“Beware! Whoever is cruel and hard on a non-Muslim, or curtails their rights, or burdens them with more than they can bear, or takes anything from them against their free will; I will complain against that person on the Day of Judgement.”  So said the Prophet Mohammed, preaching tolerance, kindness and understanding towards us heretics.  It isn’t the picture most people have in their minds of the Islamic faith – and that is, perhaps, unfortunate.  The reason could be related to the rising number of acts of aggression against the western world, ostensibly in the name of Islam.  But as many Muslims would be at great pains to point out, these acts of terrorism strike against the very kernel of what it is to be a member of the Islamic faith.

 

I’m not religious in the least but I have always been curious about the concept. When I moved to Dubai I was able to learn a little bit about Islam.  I could probably write 20 ejos on the subject, but I won’t.  What I’d like to do is shed some light on a belief system and way of life that is sometimes shrouded in mystery, and quite often veiled by misinterpretation.  If I can bust just one myth or clear up one misconception for anyone that’ll make me happy.  I’m hardly an expert though; what follows is just a few personal observations backed up with a bit of research.

 

Let us begin.  The reason Muslims call their deity Allah is to differentiate him from other gods – it is the personal name of Islam’s one true god.  Whereas the word “god” can be pluralised and genderised, the word Allah cannot.  Allah is merciful and compassionate, and really just a very nice god indeed.  For instance, if you intend to do a bad deed and then don’t actually go through with it, he won’t hold it against you (even though, of course, he is fully aware that you did think about it).  It is only when you act on the intention that it counts against you.  Furthermore, if you truly regret what you did, the slate automatically wipes clean.  The simple act of repentance leads to Allah’s forgiveness.

 

Some people wonder about the importance of the Prophet Mohammed in the faith.  He was just one of many thousands of prophets, but Mohammed is the greatest of them all because he was the last prophet, the one that completed all of Allah’s revelations and sealed them together to create the teachings of Islam as they have been known, unaltered, for the last 1400 years.  He is second only to Allah in importance.

 

The word Muslim means “to submit” and Islam is based on its believers living out the will of Allah, as far as humanly possible.  It is founded on five pillars.  They are:

1) testimony of faith, i.e. accepting that there is no god but Allah, and Mohammed is his messenger.

2) praying five times a day;

3) Zakat, which is the giving back to the community of a certain amount of money, usually as a charitable donation;

4) fasting during Ramadan; and

5) pilgrimage to the holy city of Mecca at least once during a Muslim’s lifetime (for those who are physically and financially able).

 

The second pillar of Islam is prayer.  Muslims are required to pray five times a day– furthermore they must be “clean” when they do so.  A ritual ablution occurs before the prayer and this includes washing the face, arms and feet so as to be pure when presenting themselves to Allah.  To facilitate this in Dubai, every toilet (private and public) has a long hose and nozzle in it so that wherever they may find themselves at prayertime, a Muslim is able to wash in preparation.  It is also why, sometimes, when entering a bathroom after a Muslim you may find it absolutely soaking wet.  I guess in striving to become clean, it is sometimes necessary to create a mess.  You get used to it.

 

Zakat is the requirement to donate to charity or to give to those less fortunate. Muslims are obligated to give 2.5% of any income they’ve earned for the year which is surplus to their family’s requirements.  This is usually collected and distributed during Ramadan.

 

Ramadan is the month of the Islamic calendar during which Muslims must fast – refraining from eating, drinking, smoking, having impure thoughts or engaging in sexual activity during daylight hours.  These sacrifices transcend physical discipline and bring the faster closer to Allah.  This year Ramadan has fallen during August, which happens to be the hottest time of year. Fasters have been going without food and water for up to 15 long hours a day, which as you can imagine is super difficult.  Hunger and thirst remind fasters of others who are less fortunate and who go hungry and thirsty everyday.  It also serves as a trigger to commune with Allah, to give thanks, and also to atone for any sins committed during the year.  It is an extremely important time of year for all Muslims.  To read more about Ramadan check out Ejo #9 – Ramadan In Dubai (What It Means And What To Expect).

 

As with all religions, some things are considered right, and others wrong.  “Halal”encompasses everything which is good (and thus permitted in the eyes of God), whereas “haram” describes the opposite – all which is harmful (and thus forbidden).  The word halal actually refers to a wide spectrum of things, but is most commonly used to describe meat that has been prepared in an approved way. A lot of animals these days are killed by electrocution – but this method is deemed haram by Muslims.  The animal suffers and so it is forbidden to eat its meat.  To be considered humane, the knife that will kill the animal must not be sharpened in front of it.  Animals should be killed quickly, and as comfortably as possible, and one animal must never witness the slaughter of another as this would frighten it, making the meat haram.  The animal should be well fed and watered despite the fact that it shall soon be lunch.

 

Intoxicants, such as alcohol, are considered haram – the reason being that alcohol decreases your ability to control your own mind and body.  There is an old Islamic fable: “A man was told to either rip up the Holy Quran, or murder a child, or bow in worship to an idol, or drink one cup of alcohol, or sleep with a woman.  He thought the least sinful thing to do was drink the cup, so he drank it.  Then he slept with the woman, killed the child, tore up the Quran and bowed in worship to the idol”.  Being a Muslim is all about controlling your impulses and you attain closeness to God when you restrain yourself from physical and mental urges.  Alcohol takes away all of that restraint, rendering one vulnerable to the temptations of the devil (and anyone who’s ever been drunk can surely attest to that – I know I can!).

 

The Quran clearly refers to men and women as being equal.  Oppression of women tends to be more culturally and nationalistically based, than theistically.  But often the culture fostering the oppression is so closely entwined in an Islamic identity it is difficult to separate the two.  Although women are thought of as being equal to men, the physical differences between them has been taken into account and because of this women have been granted the right of protection by (and from) men. One of the major components of Islam is modesty (for both sexes, albeit predominantly for women).  As such, men are required to not look upon women sexually and women are required to cover up in public.  Islam sees the covering up of a woman’s body as the opposite of female repression. Because it hides her womanliness they believe that it is really a form of female liberation, allowing her to be appreciated for her character and mind, and not just for her body.  Nowhere in the Quran or in the prophet’s messages does it state that women must cover their faces – to force a woman to do so (as the Taliban do in Afghanistan) goes against the very spirit of Islam.

 

Even with all this covering up though, occasionally a person might find themselves sexually aroused in a public place by a person who is not their spouse. Hey, it happens!  One of my favourite of prophet Mohammed’s recommendations is that, should this occur to you, you must immediately hurry home to your husband (or wife) and satisfy that sexual urge honourably.  Yipee!

 

While men and women are created equal, they most definitely have different roles to play in marriage and family life.  The husband is expected to provide for the family and the wife is expected to look after him and the household (including children when/if they have them).  This doesn’t mean a woman can’t go out and work if she wants to.  She can, but she must still fulfil her obligations at home too (what else is new, right?).  The role of housewife and mother is regarded as one of the most honourable occupations in Islam.  Staying home to raise a family garners the greatest respect from the community, because it is arguably one of the most difficult jobs to do.

 

Polygamy is permitted in Islam but not in the way most people imagine.  Men are allowed to marry up to only four women, and there are many restrictions.  For instance, a man can only marry another woman if he can afford to keep her in the same way he keeps his first wife; giving them the same amount of food, clothing, leisure, living space, time and compassion.  Plus, he actually needs the permission of his first wife in order to take another.  Theoretically, anyway.  Polygamy was sanctioned, initially, with the intention of providing security and a stable family life for the women left behind after the first Islamic war. Rather than leave the many widows and orphans to fend for themselves it was encouraged for families to give them a home – and since a woman and a man who are not married are forbidden from living under the same roof, marriage was the solution.  Today, however, women are able to support themselves.  This negates the requirement for a man to marry multiple women.  Governments look after those in need, providing welfare to ensure financial stability and security.  The burden of this responsibility has been removed from the man, however polygamy (of course) still occurs.

 

Well, that’s just a drop in the ocean.  If you have any questions about Islam please feel free to ask and I will try and get an informed answer from one of my Muslim colleagues.  Look out next month for another episode from The Misadventures Of Dangerous Doug.

Ejo #19 – Dangerous Doug and The Elephant Skin Jacket

So, finally, after being distracted by a few other topics, I’m ready to bring you another installment of my friend Doug’s adventures in life.  As evidenced by his bee cultivation as a teen, it is quite clear that Doug has always been in possession of an enterprising
nature.  So when it was time for him to finance his first solo vacation out of Zimbabwe at the tender age of 23 you can rest assured that his strategy to raise funds was strange and unique.

Allow me to set the scene.  Way back in 1978, Zimbabwe (which was still called Rhodesia back then) was experiencing a lengthy
period of political instability and civil unrest which had resulted in the United Nations declaring economic sanctions against the country.  This rendered the Rhodesian Dollar worthless on the global market.  Which meant that if you wanted to go on an overseas holiday, as Doug did, you had to exchange money before you left (no-one would buy your Rhodesian dollars outside the
country, you see).  That sounds all fine and dandy but in fact the government had capped the foreign currency exchange allowance to a maximum of GBP180 per person.  Simply put, you could only buy up to GBP180 at a time, to fund overseas travel.

Even back in 1978 this wasn’t a great deal of money.  And it certainly wasn’t enough to bankroll the 75 day tour of the UK, Austria, Germany and the Greek Islands that Doug had planned.  He wasn’t worried though – he had (of course) a trick up his sleeve.  A common way to make some extra money for travel was to take items not readily available elsewhere with you on your vacation, and then sell them, pocketing the foreign currency and making a little extra spending money.  At the time, the most money was to be made selling products made of elephant hide (I KNOW!!!), and in particular elephant skin briefcases.  They were unique and small enough to carry on board a plane.  The going rate for one of these briefcases in London was GBP100 and it only cost the equivalent of GBP50 to make, so it was an easy way to double your money.

So, Doug went along to a well known leather product warehouse with the intention of buying one or two of the elephant skin briefcases to sell in London and augment his travel budget.  He walked straight up to the briefcase section of the warehouse and started looking at them, but after a moment his attention began to wander onto all the other products available in the shop.  Aside from the specialty elephant hide products, there were also things made from regular leather: wallets, belts, bags, shoes and jackets.  Doug looked at the elephant skins hanging from the ceiling.  Then he looked back at the jackets.  Elephant skins.  Jackets.
And it was at this moment that Doug had, what he describes as, a “brainwave”.  Yes indeed!  For if an elephant skin briefcase could go for GBP100, imagine how much money he could get for an elephant skin jacket!!

It was a lightbulb moment for him and he wasted no time making the suggestion to the vendor who looked at him like he was crazy.  He insisted that he wanted a jacket made from elephant skin, even after the vendor warned him that it wouldn’t be soft, like cowhide, and it definitely wouldn’t be comfortable.  Doug was not to be swayed.  He envisioned this mystical jacket inspiring a bidding war on the “Golden Mile of Tailoring”  – Savile Row in Mayfair, London.  He also envisioned his wallet bulging with extra pounds for his holiday.  No, he’d made his mind up – he wanted an elephant skin jacket, and he would have it.

And so, the tailor measured him up, asking what colour he’d like the leather dyed.  Doug shook his head.  No dye.  He wanted it natural.  After all, what would be the point of an elephant skin jacket if you couldn’t see it was made of elephant skin?  That’s just how Doug rolls.  He did agree to at least have the hide shaved before the jacket was constructed (elephants are hirsute creatures, you know)!  After all, no-one would want to buy a hairy elephant skin jacket!  So, with his measurements taken and a price agreed upon, Doug left the warehouse with instructions to return in one month to collect his bespoke jacket.

A month later, with only a few days left before his flight to London, Doug returned to the warehouse and the first thing he saw upon entering was his elephant skin jacket hanging up on the wall.  He noticed it straight away because the arms of the jacket were sticking straight out horizontally.  As you can imagine, elephant hide is very thick, and when it is tanned it becomes very stiff indeed.  Doug asked to try the jacket on, thinking that a few wears would soften the leather so that the arms wouldn’t be so stiff.  But what he found was that the hide was SO stiff that he could barely keep his arms down without a great deal of effort.  If he relaxed, the arms would simply start to rise up at his sides.  He couldn’t even bend the elbows.  Still, he thought after examining the jacket, the craftsmanship was of the highest quality and he was sure the leather would eventually soften and relax.  So he paid
the tailor the agreed price of 750 Rhodesian Dollars (the equivalent of about GBP375 – two month’s salary at the time), thinking he could easily make twice that on Bond Street in London.  The fact that the jacket literally stayed upright on the floor with no support did nothing to deter him.  And so off he went with his new threads!!

Over the next few days Doug wore the jacket around the house, trying to break in the leather.  Suffice to say the leather did not break in and was just as stiff on the day of his flight as it was the day he bought it.  There was no way he could fold it to pack it away in his luggage and so he was forced to wear it to the airport where, because his arms were sticking straight out, he drew many
curious glances.  Once on the plane, of course he had to remove the jacket as he couldn’t really sit for ten hours without bending his elbows.  All the passengers around him simply stared as he awkwardly took the jacket off and attempted to fit it, stiff as cardboard as it was, into the overhead locker.

Anyway, the jacket (and Doug) survived the flight and after settling into London (he was staying in a share house with some friends that worked on oil rigs), Doug took his prize possession down to Bond Street to see what he could get for it.  He decided against wearing it because, in his words, he realised that he looked like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz.

The first tailor he stopped at simply stared at the jacket, before shooing him away.  The second tailor laughed, before doing the same thing.  The third took the time to admire the quality workmanship and detailing, but still wasn’t interested in buying it.  Doug’s dream of a bidding war was dissolving before his very eyes.  He spent the next two days walking up and down Bond Street with a stiff, dun grey, elephant skin jacket under his arm going into every tailor shop trying to get some money for it.  To no avail.
The only thing he did succeed in doing was attracting the attention of the local constabulary, who stopped him to ask what on earth he was doing.  After checking his documents and determining he wasn’t in fact up to any mischief, they let him go on his way (probably stifling a chuckle, I dare say).  But Doug’s spirit had been broken.  He dropped the price of the jacket – first to GBP175 and then down to GBP75.  Still, though they all agreed it was a marvellous specimen of clothing, no-one wanted to buy it.  He was stuck with it for the rest of his European holiday.

The night before he was due to fly out of London, one of his oil rig buddies offered to take it off his hands.  At that point, Doug was desperate and so he took the GBP50 offered for it.  He later found out that his friend had taken the jacket apart and had it made into elephant skin wallets, making a tidy profit.

As a footnote, there is apparently, deep in storage somewhere in England, a Polaroid photograph of Doug wearing his elephant skin coat.  I promise you that if I ever get my hands on a copy I’ll forward it onto all of you.