zimmy khan

Ejo #139 – The Extraordinary People I Know: Zimmy Khan

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TW//suicide

I met Zimmy in 2011, nearly ten and a half years ago.  I had just experienced two of the darkest years of my life and desperately needed help getting out of the deep, pitch-black hole I was in.  I’d consulted a couple of psychologists in Dubai, who had not been able to help me.  It’s the only time in my life I remember feeling such hopelessness, darkness, loneliness and desperation.  And then one day, I read an article in Time Out Dubai about a very special therapist called Zimmy Khan.  It felt like a dim light shining in the distance, and I ran towards it.  I checked out her website and wrote her an email. The subject header was “I Need Your Help”. 

Not only did Zimmy help me through that bleak phase of my life, she has, over the years, equipped me with tools that have allowed me to survive and navigate another decade in a city that drains my life force, being away from my family and friends, relationship ups and downs, career dilemmas, sometimes crippling social anxiety, and the devastating grief of losing my beloved Mum.  She taught me resilience, and she taught me how to have faith (a word I’d previously considered a profanity).   

I immediately fell in love with Zimmy as a therapist, and later, when it dawned on us both that we were spending the first 45 minutes of our sessions just chatting, I fell in love with her as a friend.  David calls her my guru because she helped transform me from someone who saw the world as an adversary, to be fought and challenged, into the woman I am now.  I am (mostly) at peace, I know who I am, I love myself, I am grounded, I am happy and I am open to receiving all of life’s possibilities.  I no longer feel alone, and I am no longer afraid.  Zimmy saved my life and I know it sounds like a cliché, but I am truly blessed to have met her and I am eternally grateful that she is my friend. 

Zimmy and me

It’s my great honour to introduce you all to Zimmy. 

Thank you so much Zimmy, for taking the time to (virtually) sit down with me and have a chat.  I appreciate it and I’m absolutely certain that my readers will enjoy it too. So, I started this post with an excerpt from an anthology you contributed to called “How The Phoenix Rose” in which you talk about your experience of severe physical and mental debilitation after suddenly developing a brain lesion in 2004.  Can you tell us about it?
I’d been working at JWT, one of the top global advertising agencies, in Dubai.  I’d been there for two years and was doing very well when I was suddenly hit with paralysis, and diagnosed with a brain lesion.  My mind has always been my savior and north star.  But the medications they gave me made me so weak, mentally, that I was not able to access my north star, my inner guidance, my mind’s ability to analyse and find solutions for me to heal myself; and that was the scariest part of the whole experience for me. More than the physical paralysis, it was the mental shutdown that made me feel alone and weak and hopeless. My superpower was taken away by the medications, and that’s why I stopped taking them, to see if I could still access my inner guidance. When that connection came back, I was able to heal myself through love and gratitude affirmations.

That sounds terrifying. Do you remember that time clearly, or has it faded with time?
Not as clearly as you would expect, because I live mainly in the present.  I remember things as a story, with minimal emotions.  I think I dissociate very reflexively from painful things, as a deep rooted trauma response – my analytical mind switches on to keep me safe and to protect me from feeling too deeply, and to just focus on what needs to be done to fix it, solve it or get out of it. I do remember the immense despair and fear that I went through, and also the great love and faith and peace that I felt for myself while saying the affirmations that healed me.  I really did feel like I went from wanting to kill myself, to everything will be alright, in a matter of only weeks.

Every hero has an origin story, and I wonder if that episode in your life is yours. 
The lesion did help me to honour my inner guidance more, and I will always feel fortunate about that.  But Chryss, I don’t see the lesion as my origin story, or even the catalyst.  It feels more like a very important fork in the road, but no, not the origin.

Are you happy to share your origin story with us?
I lost my mother suddenly and traumatically when I was only one and a half years old.  She had run away from her family to be with my dad while he was married to someone else. My parents married in secret, and for three years she lived as his second wife, whom no-one knew about; until his first wife found out.  Her brother murdered my mother to avenge his sister’s betrayal.  

Five month old Zimmy, with her mum and dad.

It was only then that my dad’s family learned about the whole situation, and of course they were in no position to care for me because the first wife had their loyalty.  My dad was also unable to care for me, and my mum’s family felt that she got what she deserved for disgracing them.  They wanted nothing to do with me as I was a reminder of their shame and loss.

Zimmy at six months.

Since the options were limited and my dad was concerned for my safety, he had to make quick decisions, and I was passed onto a childless couple who were our neighbours and family friends.  I was already quite comfortable around them and moved with them to Saudi Arabia soon after. Within a year my dad divorced his first wife, remarried, found a job in Saudi Arabia and moved there too. 

Zimmy at the age of four, with her biological paternal grandparents.

Between the ages of three and 15, I’d be with my foster parents during the week and spend the weekends with my dad and his new wife. I grew up knowing that my mum had died and that I now had two sets of parents. Both sets had their own baggage and issues and insecurities and wounds. I’m sure they all did their best to raise me as a team, but most of the time I felt alone, scared and unwanted, like a burden. I remember always being worried about something bad happening and feeling like I couldn’t trust or control life. I always needed to be on the alert and ready to fight. I never truly felt safe, or able to trust anyone, or have an irrefutable sense of belonging. So I became my own little unit – me, myself and I.  I always had the ability to talk to myself, to be there for myself and help guide myself through abusive experiences (physical, mental and emotional) in both homes, as well as feeling different at school.  

I found ways to work with my “defects” rather than allow them to defeat me. I used to analyse the other kids and try to figure out how to achieve the “desired result”, but in my own way. I created my own strategies on how to fit in and study better and focus better.  Things like doodling rather than taking notes in class, having music play while I did my homework and sleeping with books under my pillow. I always managed to get through with mostly As and Bs. School was very important to me as it felt like the only safe space in my life, and I wanted to do well and keep having that as my refuge.

By the time I became a teenager, with all the hormonal changes and bigger emotions, I was feeling very overwhelmed and suicidal. Even then it was my mind, my inner voice, my higher self that was my strength and got me through each day. I would have a pep talk with myself every morning: “Let’s do our best today, and if it’s not enough and things get too heavy, we can go to the top of that 15 storey building and just jump off. Don’t worry, we’ve got this, one way or the other. Just focus on one thing at a time and the day will pass”.  It was always “we” because that created a sense of belonging and connection, like someone had my back.  It is still “we” today.

I came to Dubai in 1997 to complete my bachelor’s degree in Business Management, with the intention of returning to Saudi Arabia to enroll in a Master’s program, and to wed in an arranged marriage.  And I was happy with that.  I was just so thrilled to have the opportunity to escape an oppressive family situation, to be independent, and get a higher education and live in a more open environment for a while.  During my studies, I was offered an internship at JWT, and after I graduated they offered me a job.  So I just stayed in Dubai. 

Well, I, for one, am very happy that you decided to stay. And thankfully (and miraculously) you fully healed from the brain lesion.  How did that whole experience lead to your evolution from high-flying advertising executive to life-saving healer and therapist?
I was so consumed with the miraculous outcome that I moved very quickly into delving into how the mind and body work together, how to be more than we’re taught we are, and how to access the superpowers that we all have. It was a rebirth for me, and a huge push towards my calling.  

I became keenly inter­ested in everything to do with “mind over matter”, “the power of thoughts” and “the attitude of gratitude”. Concepts that I had no prior awareness of, but that very naturally flowed through me and helped me to get my life back to its full glory. I made it my priority to study all that I could about these transformative powers that we all carry within us, and yet look for outside of ourselves.  It was this quest that trans­formed me from a hardcore, corporate intellectually-driven executive into a full-time therapist and healer. And it’s that exceptional and life-changing learning that I share with my clients in my sessions and workshops, reminding them to acknowledge all that they have to be thankful for, rather than focussing on the things that are missing.

There’s absolutely no question that you are special, that you do possess a superpower.  I attest to that and I happily recommend you to anyone that even drops a hint that they might benefit from your very special skillset. You have helped a lot of people. Do you think you were born with your superpower, or do you think that all the hardships you endured in your life helped to shape you that way? 
I think we are all born with these superpowers, and that is the real hallmark of being at the top of the food chain. We are the only beings that have the gifts of thought and analysis, and with that comes the ability to choose differently and to create different outcomes, to be better, to evolve. That is the superpower we all have. I don’t feel special in this respect, just really proud of myself for recognising the choices, and for choosing to be a better version of myself daily.

Life is bigger than us, and gives us both good experiences and challenging ones so that we can choose which ones we want to grow from. Some of us respond more to the painful push, and some of us thrive more when things are good.  So yes, my superpowers came to light due to adversity.  I wish I’d realised that I could have accessed them without the struggle!  But I think that learning so much about self-love, and finding these navigation methods, perhaps makes me a better therapist, and has helped me to create resources like The Happiness Project.  I’d sure like to think so. 

The other day when you were at our place for dinner you said something along the lines of, “I’m becoming mortal”.  What did you mean by that? 
I think that’s about progressively becoming a more feeling person than the mostly analytical one I used to be. I guess that comes with softening my armour and letting down my guard and starting to trust life and people, and allowing myself to connect, belong, love and live more fully. So yes when I allow myself to feel more, I do feel more human.  Vulnerable, but also more intuitive and alive. And I’m OK with that, I’m actually happy with that.  But sometimes I do become nostalgic about how in control I used to be.

Do you mind please listing the modalities you specialise in, for our readers, and what each one entails?  How can people benefit from them??  
Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) go hand in hand as they are both related to learning how to direct our mind more consciously, rather than being directed by it and then feeling not in control of our thoughts and behaviours. So these are practical tips and techniques on how to reply to our negative, self-limiting thoughts, beliefs and programs by firstly becoming aware of them, secondly not fighting them but kindly and patiently shifting them to what would serve us better, and thirdly being consistent with the practice. This leads to a gradual but sustainable improvement in our mental, emotional and physical state of being, and gives us more energy and ability to be better versions of ourselves and to create a better life experience for ourselves. It also helps us to be more accepting and empathetic towards others.

Clinical hypnotherapy is used when there are deep subconscious wounds, fears, traumas or addictions that are creating pain in our lives. Sometimes we know what they are but we feel powerless to change or heal them; and sometimes we don’t even really know the root cause, but we know that no matter what we do cognitively, it just doesn’t seem to help for too long. So with this modality we connect with the subconscious mind, which has all the answers and solutions, and we heal the root causes from the past, so that they become disarmed and unable to create the pain in the present.  This is such a magical process and I am still in awe of how the mind takes us directly to the source, even when the client or myself have no idea what it is.  The healing that happens is so profound and long lasting, it still blows my mind. While hypnosis is still widely seen as just something to help with addictions and phobias, it really is much more than that and helps with healing traumas, PTSD, relationship issues, mental, emotional and physical illnesses too.

For energy healing I use a combination of the basics of reiki and pranic healing, plus my own intuitive interpretation. Energy healing modalities are based on the premise that we are all made up of energy and that everything that has form has an energy field.  How is my methodology unique?  I am able to get a sense of, and verbalise, the emotions that are creating the blocks in a client’s energy flow, and with their permission we work on allowing them to be released. This helps people to become more empowered and aware, and to be able to choose different thoughts and create lighter emotions so they can keep their energy system flowing better.

Akashic records reading helps us to connect to the client’s Super consciousness, the infinite essence.  Not just the conscious thinking mind or subconscious feeling mind that are limited to our bodily experience of life, but something bigger, wiser, made of love and connected to all that is. Through this modality, we access a “soup” of information that transcends time and space, and is made of our higher self (the part that knows our purpose in this life, and is a distillation of all the learnings from previous existences), collective consciousness, ancestral consciousness and so much more. The benefit is access to incredible love, wisdom, guidance and connection to something much larger and more powerful and comforting than we have ever known.  People also receive answers, solutions and healings during this process, giving permission to the therapist to access these through the client’s energy field, and to verbalise things that they may have been receiving through dreams, signs, gut feelings etc. but have not had the chance to really listen to, or interpret fully.

This is the newest modality in my portfolio, and the one that has truly challenged me to accept that I really am quite intuitive, and that I should trust and own this superpower rather than doubt or feel embarrassed by it. Since I come from such an analytical background, it’s been the most fascinating journey for me, first with energy healing and now with this. I know I heavily rely on my intuition, even when working with clinical hypnotherapy, but this really throws you in the deep end as there is almost no science to give you a sense of security. I used to be very hesitant, and actually avoided delving into it until the “call” became really strong and I decided to do a course, just to quell my curiosity.

During the course, my readings were really accurate and intuitive, and the teacher and students all wanted to work with me! So it’s almost like I had no choice but to embrace this facet of myself.  I slowly started doing readings, for close friends at first, and only after I felt more comfortable with this strange free-falling did I start offering it to clients.  It is a beautiful experience, not just for clients, but for me too, and I have never had a session in which I wasn’t touched so deeply that it led me to tears. The unconditional love, acceptance, encouragement and wisdom that comes through is really something special, and each client leaves feeling uplifted, happy, peaceful and more whole.  

Over the years, you and I have tried most of these therapies, plus some other, more experimental stuff.  Our hypnotherapy sessions helped me tremendously when we first started seeing each other and I was at a very low point, holding onto lots of shit.  I really enjoyed the Akashic reading you did for me in 2018, as it connected me to my yiayia, who died a year later at the age of 103.  My least favourite therapy was the past life regression (sorry!).  I didn’t really feel like I got much out of it (though it did inspire a short story, so perhaps that’s not quite accurate). 
The past life regression was your fifth session, and the objective was for you to have more discipline with your writing, and to enjoy it more. So we accessed a past life in which you had done that, to remind your cells, your consciousness, of how it feels to be that way again. Maybe it’s just me, but I do feel the past life session was more impactful than you may have realised.  I believe that it served the purpose of getting you to be more regular and disciplined with your ejos, and over the past few years I feel your writing has become deeper, and more open and honest.

Thank you so much!  You’ve definitely helped me become a better writer, and a better person.  After all these years, it’s still a wondrous experience for me to come to you feeling stale or blocked or stuck in some way, and walk away feeling like I’ve been fixed.  And for that reason, my absolute favourite therapy of all is your energy cleanse. 
Energy cleanses work really well with you as you are truly open and trusting with me and that’s all it takes to set things right, or to position them better, to create an easier flow. And thankfully you are aware of, and good at, self-regulating and you use your mind well, so we haven’t really needed extensive hypnotherapy etc. Would you please tell me what you like about it, and how it helps you and how you think it works?  I’m curious to hear your take on it.

To be honest, it all feels a little bit like magic.  And because we have worked together for so long I definitely feel that I can completely trust you, and trust the process, and let go and have faith that you’ll guide me in the direction I need to go.  Hypnotherapy is similar, but it feels like I need to do a little more delving into my own consciousness, and sometimes that feels clunky to me, like too much hard work (LOL, I’m so lazy).  When we do an energy cleanse, I just open the door to my sub-conscious and let you in, and let you do all the work.  I always leave your house walking on air, buoyant and buzzing but very clear-minded, and very happy. I want to thank you so much for all that you’ve done for me, over the years. I’m so grateful that the journey you took to overcome all the trauma and pain in your life led you to helping others overcome theirs. I’m so grateful that it led us to each other.
That really has been my driving force towards actively participating in life. Being there for others, and allowing them to use some of my learnings to heal themselves. So what you say makes me feel like I have been of service, and of love, and that you have helped me to fulfill my purpose. I really do love my work

♥

If you feel that a session with Zimmy might help you in some way, you can get in touch with her at zimmy@epiphany-zk.com, or just let me know and I’ll set it up for you. She does in-person sessions in Dubai, as well as video sessions for clients all over the world.

Ejo #110 – The Happiness Project: Part 3

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Well, we’ve reached the Happiness Project finale!  I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about some of the strategies available to all of us to increase our happiness levels.  When I first started the project I was already pretty happy thanks to my years of working closely with Zimmy (who David accurately refers to as my “guru”).  But the three months I spent closely monitoring the way I think, and the things I do, actually increased my happiness score significantly.  For some of us, constant vigilance and consistency is necessary in order to be happy.  For others, dipping in and out, as required is enough to do the trick.  Everyone is different, but we all deserve happiness, so read on to learn about the final seven rewirements of the project.

YOGA
Yoga is amazing because it ticks so many boxes on the path to happiness. Contrary to popular belief, the core purpose of yoga isn’t actually achieving pretzel pose perfection, but rather the accompanying breathing  (though the poses and stretches are a fantastic workout). I always walk away from a yoga session with a sense of euphoria, and the great thing is that almost anyone can do it. A simple series of movements called a sun salutation done first thing in the morning is a wonderful way to start your day. It gets the blood and energy in your body flowing, and it eases the transition from sleep to wakefulness for both the body and the mind.

sun

 

PERSONALITY RESHUFFLE
Zimmy considers that our personalities are actually a composite of beliefs, behaviours and habits that we develop to cope with previous traumas, or challenging events from our past. What she would like us to do is to ask ourselves who we are outside of our pain, anxiety, insecurities and fears. What would we be? How would we think, or feel, if we stopped living our lives as a product of the story we have created about ourselves? To be honest, I initially misinterpreted this rewirement as needing to change the way I viewed the world, and in particular my feelings towards Dubai. But when I discussed this with Zimmy during one of our in-person sessions, she pointed out that it wasn’t about affirming a new intention but actually adopting a whole new personality and then basically trying that new personality out, like in a role-playing game (kind of like faking it ‘til you make it). I totally understand how this rewirement has the potential to make me happier. By taking on a survivor mentality about living in Dubai, I’m creating that reality around me. This one isn’t easy – you have to first identify the obsolete dominating personality and then lovingly let it go, while supporting another, healthier personality to come forward.

PRACTISE FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness does not mean letting someone “get away with it”. It doesn’t mean that what they did is OK. What it does mean is that you release the burden of holding onto resentment and negativity because of what someone did to you. Isn’t it crazy that painfully holding onto that shit can sometimes seem easier than just letting it go? This rewirement is definitely one that requires you to put in the work, especially if you have something major you’d like to let go of. But when you can learn to forgive, easily and without feeling like you’re losing something in the process, you will feel a weight lift from your shoulders. You’ll be empowered because your well-being is no longer dependent on other people’s actions and words. And, as a bonus, you’ll also experience health benefits like a stronger immune system, heart health and self-esteem. Holding onto pain and resentment and anger only hurts you, not the other person. Even worse, it tethers you to them, and what they did. Forgiving is freeing. Let karma take care of the rest.

DECLUTTER
As I already mentioned in Part 1, stuff doesn’t make us happy. And research shows that it can actually make us stressed, anxious and unhappy. It’s human nature to gather stuff. If you’ve ever moved house you’ll know the shock of realising exactly how much shit you’ve accumulated over the years. What feels less natural is getting rid of it, but that’s exactly what you need to do in order to be happier. It might feel really difficult to let go of some things, but the catharsis you’ll feel by decluttering makes it worth the effort. I have a general rule of thumb whenever I get the urge to spring clean – if I haven’t used it or enjoyed it in over a year, I try to get rid of it. I’ll admit I’m not as brutal as I could be when it comes to throwing things out, but I do know I love to live in a minimal house that isn’t full of crap. The state of your home can have a real impact on the state of your mind, so see how it feels to start decluttering it.

BE MORE CHARITABLE
The benefits of being charitable are fairly well documented, and I’m proud to say that most of my friends are already pretty amazing in this regard. Every time David and I raise money for a food handout I’m always overwhelmed by the huge response. It’s funny when I thank my friends for donating, how many of them thank me back for actually doing the handout but really, that’s the most rewarding part of the experience. Seeing someone’s face express joy, gratitude or even just relief at receiving something given with no expectation of anything in return is an incredible feeling and I actually feel lucky that I can be so hands-on with making a difference. But there are so many other ways in which you can be charitable. Of course you can volunteer at an organisation that helps others. You can declutter your home and give your unwanted items to someone who needs them, or to a charity. You can donate blood, and hair (if it’s long enough), or the ultimate charitable act, your organs. You can help someone cross the street or carry their shopping to their car. You can foster an animal (or a child)! There are so many ways to help out our fellow humans, and in the process of making the world a better place, you also end up helping yourself.

PRACTICE KINDNESS
Think about the last time someone was kind to you. How did their act of compassion or generosity make you feel? I bet it was good. When you do something kind for someone, or when you’re the recipient of someone’s kindness, incredible things happen in your brain. A whole bunch of feel-good hormones get released into your body. Stuff like endorphins, which you also get after running a marathon. Serotonin, which is the hormone released when you take lots of ecstasy (though kindness has the benefit of being a lot less illegal, and a lot better for you). Dopamine, which is known as the reward hormone, and the reason some people become addicted to gambling (though I reckon kindness is a helluva nicer thing to be addicted to).  And finally, oxytocin, known as the “love” hormone, which also floods the body during orgasm.  I’ll just leave that there for you to think about. 😉

PLAY
So tell me guys, why do kids get to have all the fun? When did we, as grown ups, stop playing? And more importantly, why? It’s well known that kids need to play in order for their brains to develop empathy, communication and resilience. But adults can also benefit by incorporating some playtime into their day. Firstly, the act of playing releases dopamine, which makes you feel good. But more than that, it’s been proven to increase productivity, creativity and connection. Which is why the most progressive companies in the world factor playtime into their office design and schedules. Being playful doesn’t necessarily have to be a structured thing, either. Finding the humour in situations, being silly, making jokes, flirting, play-fighting and role-playing all contribute to our well-being, as well as making us healthier and happier. And isn’t that what we’re all looking for?!

Ejo #109 – The Happiness Project: Part 2

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And away we go with Part 2 of The Happiness Project (which has actually blown out to be a chunky three parter, to be continued next month). Zimmy’s just opened registration for the second round of the project, which is due to start in a couple of weeks, and if you can spare the time and money I would really highly recommend you get on board and commit to doing something that will definitely change your life for the better. What have you got to lose?

So here is Zimmy’s offer:

image

Do you want to be happier – but just don’t know how to go about it, or where to start? Rather than waiting for certain things to happen, that you think will make you happy, would you like to learn how to create happiness in your existing circumstances? A large number of research studies have been conducted about happiness and how to create it in our daily lives. We now have a great amount of guidance on how to be more empowered in this pursuit. On how to create the life we want, rather than just responding to life, or surviving it.

Last year I completed a degree from Yale University – The Science of Well-being. It showed me that many of the things I’ve learnt over the past few years, and have been practicing diligently, are in fact the cornerstones of creating happiness. I realised that these practices have produced very tangible positive results in my life, and in the lives of my friends and clients too.

So with that in mind, I have created this project, and we have already completed Round 1 a couple of months ago, with 20 participants who were able to increase their happiness scores significantly through the practices that were shared in the course. During this 12 week project, we will be using scientifically proven tests to measure your authentic happiness score before, during and after the course. You will receive clear, proven tools and techniques to employ every single day via email, that will help you create more happiness in your life, more consistently. And you will have these for life, to use for yourself and share with loved ones.

This course can be done by people not only in Dubai, but anywhere around the world, as it will be conducted through emails, and two personal one-on-one progress meetings, either in person (if you are in Dubai) or on video chat. There will also be a Facebook forum for group discussions and sharing of challenges, breakthroughs, inspiration and achievements.

Special introductory offer for all Epiphany clients is 2,750 AED.
Early bird offer, if paid before February 6th is 2,500 AED.
If you get a friend to sign up for the project with you, you’ll both pay 2,250 AED each.

If you are interested in doing the course, and know that you will be able to access your email every day, as well as meet with me twice during this period, please let me or Chryss know by February 4th 2019, and we will send you further details. This course is limited to 20 participants so that I can give each of you the right amount of attention and focus required to master the practices.

And now we’ll carry on with twelve more of the happiness rewirements.

INTERACT MORE MINDFULLY WITH SOCIAL MEDIA
Self-explanatory. I definitely had a problem with my phone before this project. A problem that I think I now have under control. During the project, I just decided I wasn’t going to use my phone at all, half an hour before bed. And I’ll tell you what has happened as a result. It takes me much less time to go to sleep, and I sleep so much better. It was hard in the beginning, because I had to break the habit, but once I did I felt free. Free, I tell you!!!!!

SPEAK TO YOURSELF MORE KINDLY
This one kind of matches with the first rewirement. We can be so loving and kind to other people, and so harsh and critical of ourselves. One way to make ourselves happier is to be gentler and kinder to ourselves. So when you catch yourself being critical or mean, turn that shit around. Go from saying, “Fuck, I’m such an idiot” to “Wow, I miscalculated that, but it’s OK, I’ll do better next time”. It seems like such a simple thing, but the way we speak to ourselves has such a big influence on our self-worth, and ultimately our happiness.

SELF-LOVE AFFIRMATIONS
As I mentioned in Part 1, most of us have this negative background tape playing on a loop, pretty well every moment that we’re awake. The idea of self-love affirmations is to counter the bullshit with something positive. If we hear something often enough, we start to believe it. But at the end of the day, whether you believe in it or not, choosing positivity over negativity has to be the better choice. I chose three self-love affirmations, that I repeated in front of the mirror seven times, three times a day during the project (and beyond). My favourite was (and still is), “I am confident in my individuality”. When I first started telling myself this, I felt like a fraud. Today, I mean it.

AMPLIFY HIGH RANKING STRENGTH & LOW RANKING STRENGTH
We all have character strengths (and weaknesses). The purpose of this rewirement is to become aware of what they are in order to appropriately amplify them. As part of the project we all did a survey to figure out the exact ranking of our character traits (my top three were love, kindness and honesty and my bottom three were humility, teamwork and self-regulation). Zimmy then provided detailed methods to take advantage of, and develop, these individual characteristics depending on their ranking. Only by knowing where we’re strong, and where we can do more work, can we then use these traits to enrich our own lives, and the lives of others.

WRITE A LETTER OF GRATITUDE TO YOUR YOUNGER SELF
As I’ve already mentioned, gratitude is the big kahuna of happiness. This one involves handwriting a letter to yourself from a time when you might have been going through something difficult or after learning an important life lesson, and thanking yourself for getting through it so well. This task invokes self-love, compassion, appreciation and hope, as well as gratitude towards ourselves for navigating life’s crazy rollercoaster. It’s tough out there people. Give yourself a pat on the back, because you seriously deserve it. It’s so liberating and soothing to acknowledge yourself in this way. I actually cried about four different varieties of tears when I wrote this to myself: “Thank you for being so brave when it got so fucking hard. Thank you for somehow controlling the damage, even from the depths of despair.”

WRITE A LETTER OF GRATITUDE TO SOMEONE ELSE
Continuing on with gratitude, this one is directed outward to someone who has made a big difference in your life. Someone that you want to thank, but haven’t had the chance to do so. Again, it needs to be handwritten (and it can’t be addressed to your significant other). And…. here’s the doozy. It has the most impact if you can arrange to actually read your letter aloud to the recipient. In person. Whoa, right?!! I was lucky enough to have the chance to read my letter of gratitude to Zimmy (meta, much?) and it got pretty damn intense. It was a really beautiful moment between the two of us and I’m so thrilled I had the opportunity to make her feel so special and loved and adored. This task is something that a lot of people might find difficult to muster up the courage to do, but if you can manage to overcome that, the pay off is enormous.

EAT MINDFULLY
Well, this one is obvious. We all need to eat better. And we all know it. But it actually takes a bit of a tectonic plate shift to adapt that knowledge into our every day lives. Seriously though, the difference this can make to your entire mindset and wellbeing (and ultimately happiness) is enormous! I would personally like to advocate for giving up sugar. I haven’t eaten any sugar since 8th November 2018 and I feel amazing for it. I don’t experience any more weirdo mood swings and my energy levels are so much higher. Giving up sugar wasn’t specifically part of the Happiness Project but rewiring the way I looked at food was a natural precursor to quitting. Another thing David and I do is try to savour our dinner when we eat together at home. That means lighting candles, putting down our cutlery between bites, trying to actually taste what we’re eating and really trying not to rush a meal.

DRINK ALCOHOL MORE MINDFULLY, AND DRINK MORE WATER
Mindful drinking of alcohol is a big “thing” right now (congratulations to everyone who made it through dry January). And so it should be. Alcohol can be a bit of a danger zone for some of us these days. Lots of people are tending towards some kind of emotional dependency on the booze and I can totally relate to that. But I also know how liberating it can be to break free of that dependency and learn that you can actually enjoy life (and I mean REALLY enjoy it) without the crutch that alcohol provides. Blurring your life doesn’t make it happier. Fully experiencing it, in sharp relief, actually can. Also, just drink more fucking water. You simply can’t go wrong with that advice.

GET ENOUGH DEEP SLEEP
Well, this one is easier said than done for a shift worker, so that kinda sucks for David and me. More often that not we both feel tired from lack of sleep. It’s just something that comes with the job, sadly. But hey, most of you aren’t shift workers and there IS something you can do about it. A good night’s sleep isn’t a luxury. There’s a whole bunch of evidence about the benefits of getting a good solid seven hours a night. Did you know that while you sleep your brain essentially refreshes and regenerates?? And you actually NEED to be deeply asleep for that to happen. Try making it a priority for a while and see how much happier you feel.

DO 15 MINUTES OF EXERCISE EVERY DAY
Another oldie (but a goodie) is, of course, to just squeeze some physical activity into your daily routine. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Go for a walk, take the stairs, go for a swim, do a class, clench your butt at the supermarket checkout. Squat while you’re in the elevator. Just move your body, damn it! And hey, if you can get it, a great way to move your body is to get funky with it. Grab someone you love (or like, or even just dig a little bit) and get down on it, coz sex is a magnificent way to generate a bit of body heat (and in the process happiness, intimacy, a sense of belonging, higher self esteem and better health).

MINDFUL BREATHING
Check this out. I’m 47 years old and only just recently realised that I didn’t know how to breathe. What the actual fuck?! Most of us tend to breathe way too shallowly, and only in the upper part of our respiratory system. When you figure out how to breathe deeply, into your abdomen, your life will fucking change. And I’m not joking when I say this. Think of every deep breath you take as a love letter to your body ❤️. And when you exhale properly you do amazing things for your parasympathetic nervous system. You will ease your anxiety, insomnia, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and attention deficit disorder. And if you don’t suffer from these conditions, will simply realise that you’re able to operate at a much more optimal level, and just generally feel so much better. Yoga helps. Tai chi helps. Qigong helps (look it up – it’s easy to do and you feel amazing afterwards). Just breathe. It seems like something you shouldn’t have to think about, but when you do you can seriously improve your wellbeing.

DAILY MEDITATION
I’ve been meditating (on and off) for a couple of years but only recently started doing Vedic meditation, twenty minutes a day. This is another big one for me. Something that I would say is a definite requisite for life happiness and a daily practice that I’ve found to positively contribute to my wellbeing. In fact meditation is a massively trending topic these days and you can easily get a lot of information about it online. There are shitloads of apps you can use to meditate, but in reality all you need is somewhere to sit for a spell. You can do it just about anywhere and anytime, though I’d recommend starting off in a peaceful, quiet environment where you won’t be disturbed. At least until you get better at it. And you will get better, I promise. You just have to keep at it for a while. So many people give up practicing meditation because they think they’re not doing it right, or they expect to achieve immediate nirvana. When you boil it right down, meditation is simply the act of not allowing yourself to get caught up in your thoughts. The idea is not to empty your head, but rather to not fixate on what does crop up. It helps to have something to anchor your attention on, and your own breath is a hugely popular thing to focus on because it’s something that is always present. Another thing is a mantra (which is what I use when I do Vedic meditation). You just say the mantra over and over again, bringing your attention back to the words whenever you get distracted by a thought. And that’s it. It sounds ridiculously simplistic, and it is, but the positive effects are extremely powerful.

Here’s the thing, guys. You all know this stuff. There’s nothing new or magical here. But the project takes all of these ingredients and alchemises them into a potent elixir that will make you happier. I guarantee it.