travel blog

Ejo #86 – Drunk In….. Tokyo (Part 2)

So, guess what? I love Tokyo. Tell you something you don’t know?? Don’t worry, I plan to. We just got back from our fourth trip to Japan a week ago and I am still recovering from all the awesomeness. It’s a truly vibrant city, absolutely chock-a-block full of wonderful establishments to get varying degrees of drunk in. So here we go with the second volume in what I’m sure will be an ongoing saga of tipsiness in Tokyo (Part 1 is here). We did return to quite a few of the scenes of our old crimes, but I’ll feature only all the new places we discovered on this trip. Are you ready?  Let’s go!

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MYSTERY IZAKAYA #1

Every single neighbourhood in Tokyo is crawling with tiny little izakayas* where the beer and sake flow freely (and usually the staff don’t speak English).  Here’s my advice to you. Learn a few phrases.  Some that we found useful are “Nama biru, o kudasai” which translates as “Draft beer please”.  Very handy indeed.  Another that we used a lot was “Osusume” which translates as “Whatever you recommend”.  This can be used to refer to a choice of sake, or an entire food menu.  We’ve used it for both with unmitigated success. Don’t be fussy, just eat what they give you.  It’s going to be amazing.

So, it was our first day in Tokyo.  We’d found our Airbnb, dropped off our bags and headed out into the mean streets of Shibuya looking for some action.  About two minutes later we found it when we walked by this little place.  The plan was to grab a beer to hydrate, and some gyoza for energy before moving on – there’s such a plethora of restaurants and izakayas, there’s no point staying in one place too long, you’ve just gotta keep moving.  Or at least that’s our motto.  So while we were relishing our gyoza and beer we noticed that EVERY single other person in the place was eating this weird looking cabbage stew.  We thought, fuck it and decided to get one each.  Oh my god, what a perfect thing to eat on a freezing cold Tokyo winter night.  Comforting, warming, delicious.  It was packed with chewy noodles, fatty pork bits that just melted in your mouth, and seafood galore.  It was a delight.

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Because every good izakaya serves beer.

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The first stop on our Gyoza Tour Of Tokyo

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Noodle, pork and seafood hotpot with cabbage.

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LAST:ORDER WINE BAR

There’s a whiskey bar in Minato called Bar Le Coq which we stumbled upon a couple of years ago and decided we had to go back to.  When we arrived, we were disappointed to find that the street sign heralding its presence in an unassuming residential building was no longer there.  Perhaps it had closed. Being the intrepid travellers that we are though, we decided to go upstairs and try anyway. We walked up the stairs and faced what appeared to be the front door of someone’s apartment.  We looked at each other, and pushed the door open. And there it was, in all it’s glory.  But different.  Unfortunately, the old owner had died of a heart attack in the two years since we’d last been and it was no longer a whiskey bar, having morphed into a wine bar called Last:order.  We ordered some whiskey as a tribute to the previous owner and looked around the empty bar, wondering how the place stayed afloat with absolutely no signage and no patrons, when suddenly the door flung open and a group of young movers & shakers took the place over (which wasn’t hard as it is a very small bar, probably smaller than your living room).  Over the course of our drink (which was supplemented with some very tasty Pinot Noir, compliments of the owner) we learned that we were in the company of a famous Tokyo film director and actor, and their entourage. That’s how we do, folks!

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Mmmm, Pinot Noir – oh, and a whiskey highball. And an incredible bar made of a single, twenty foot long, piece of wood.

INFO:
南青山4-1-8 Minato-ku, Tokyo
+81 3 6438 9864
1900-0200

CLICK FOR MAP

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ABOUT LIFE COFFEE BREWERS

Every good lush knows exactly where to get good, strong coffee for those morning-after paroxysms.  I’d done my research and we tried a few different ones, but the best (and the closest to our Shibuya apartment) was About Life Coffee Brewers, a small little shop window on a street corner.  The coffee was tasty, strong and consistent.  And that’s about all you need to know.

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Good coffee’s worth waiting for.

INFO:
1-19-8 Dogenzaka, Shibuya-ku
+81 3 6809 0751
0830-2030

CLICK FOR MAP

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SAKESTAND

Since we’re always on the lookout, our eyes peeled for drinking opportunities, we happened to notice that two doors down from About Life Coffee was a place called SAKESTAND.  We were intrigued, so we decided to explore (mind you, this was after a little skiing mishap I’d had, so navigating the steep stairs of this establishment was a bit of an ordeal, but totally worth it in the interests of research).  What first struck us is that the staircase is completely wallpapered in sake bottle labels.  Very fucking cool.  Upstairs revealed a cute (and yes, tiny) space that kind of resembled an espresso bar in Italy – standing room only, hence the name. We asked the lady behind the bar to recommend a sake for us (“osusume”) and she gave us a very fine selection indeed.  Unfortunately we had to pack for our flight home that evening, so we couldn’t linger, which is a shame.  But probably a good thing.  But we’ll definitely come back next time.  And so should you.

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What it says on the label. Immediately to the left of this door is About Life Coffee.

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Steep stairs. Sake labels.

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Sake in a wine glass, coz we’re fancy like that.

INFO:
〒150-0043 Tōkyō-to, Shibuya-ku, Dōgenzaka, 1 Chome−19−8, 2F
+81 3 6416 4200
1500-2330

CLICK FOR MAP

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MYSTERY IZAKAYA #2

Here’s the thing about Tokyo.  As of a few minutes ago there are 82,824 restaurants in the city.  And that’s only counting the ones that are registered on Tripadvisor.  Our favourite restaurant in Tokyo, No Name Teppanyaki isn’t even on there.  Thank god or it might be overrun with tourists (we’ve never seen another gaijin eating in there and I hope we never do which is pretty awful of me, but that’s just what I’m like, and if you didn’t know me by now, well… that’s on you). Anyway, what I’m trying to tell you is that when you want to get drunk in Tokyo, just take a walk. There’s an izakaya calling your name, just around every corner.  For instance, one afternoon after gorging ourselves on Nagi Golden Gai ramen, but before heading out for a late fancy sushi dinner we needed somewhere to go for an in-betweenie.  We spotted this mystery izakaya half a block from our house, and we took the plunge.  This place was a particular challenge as it had signs all the way down the staircase exclaiming “No English, Japanese only”.  We slid open the door and a lady stared us down.  In my very broken Japanese I asked if we could come in for some sake.  She looked dubious.  I looked her in the eye and said, “I understand Japanese” in Japanese, and she bought it!!!  The farce didn’t last long (who the fuck did I think I was fooling), but she served us sake anyway and then told us to get the hell out.  But it was nice while it lasted.  My advice to you?  Give it a go.  Walk through that curtain, slide open the door and say “Konban wa”.

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She filled our glasses to overfilling, but refused to refill them because we wouldn’t order anything to eat.  I liked her.  I liked her a lot.

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SUMO WRESTLING

If you travel to an amazing city like Tokyo just to get drunk, sorry buddy, but you’re doing it wrong.  You need to balance all that drinking with some culture (especially the kind where you can grab a beer at the same time).  This is something I refuse to compromise on, being the high-culture hound that I am (cough cough). And so, we went to see the Sumo.  Firstly, this is some serious Japanese culture right here. I’m not going to go into the history of it, but there’s a LOT of history – check it out. Secondly, I am going to make a huge confession and admit that the last time we’d had reservations to see the Sumo, we missed it because we were so hungover from karaoke the night before (more on that later). And just to give you some perspective on that, you can enter the stadium anytime up until 3pm.  So yeah, we were hungover.  Anyway, this time we made SURE we got there on time – and we were so glad we did.  We expected to maybe hang around for an hour, watch a match or two, tick the box and leave.  But no, we were there for nearly three hours, drank a few beers each and had a rip roaring time.  Check out the video below of one of the earlier bouts.  AMAZING!!  If you’re in Tokyo during Sumo season this is a MUST do – we’ll definitely be back. Word of warning, if you stump for those ringside seats be prepared to have a Sumo wrestler fall on, and probably crush, you.

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This is the crowd at 3pm on a Thursday!!!!  Completely booked out.

Check out the unbelievable athleticism. No, I’m not joking. These guys train like warriors. They’re agile, flexible and STRONG!!!

INFO:
Ryōgoku Kokugikan
1 Chome-3-28 Yokoami, Sumida-ku, Tōkyō-to 130-0015
+81 3 3623 5111
Various tournaments throughout the year

CLICK FOR MAP

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DAVID BOWIE IS

OK, so I’m posting two culture hits in a row.  Whaaaaaaat??  Who am I anyway??  Trust me, I was drunk at both, so it’s fine.  But seriously, when a friend (thanks Cath) gives you the heads up that this exhibition is going to be in town at the same time as you are, you book the goddamn tickets. And because I am rather self-actualised, we paid extra for the “come-whenever-you-want-and-not-at-a-specific-date-or-time” tickets.  Worth every yen. Unfortunately, cameras were strictly forbidden in the exhibition itself, so I couldn’t take any pics of the exhibits, but let me just say that we spent three hours poring over his handwritten notes, mind-blowing costumes, video footage, interviews, music clips and much much more. The most I have ever spent in any museum or gallery is an hour – tops.  We actually ate into valuable drinking time by staying that long, but it was just so mesmerising.  I loved David Bowie before.  Now, I feel like I know him, and love him even more.  If you have the chance, go. Just go.  It’s on in Tokyo until 9th April 2017.

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It was light when we went in.

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Dark when we came out.

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Yes, he is.

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Oh, you pretty thing.

INFO:
Check website for details.

CLICK FOR MAP

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Bar Martha

This bar in Ebisu is on the same street as our favourite No Name Teppanyaki.  It’s kind of an imposing place, inside and out, and it definitely divides people.  Tripadvisor is peppered with reviews saying things like “worst experience in Tokyo”, “very unfriendly to foreigners”, “rude people, not worth the visit”, “rudest staff I’ve ever encountered” and, quite alarmingly, “the downside of Japan”.  On the other hand, some of the reviews state “a must visit if you love early rock music”, “amazing listening bar” and “not for everyone, but I loved it”. Guess which camp I sit in!  So, you walk in to this place and are abruptly told not to take photos.  And then the bar staff kind of ignore you until you actively seek their attention.  There’s no cocktail menu, per se, so that pisses people off too.  And then, there’s the fact that the staff don’t speak much English.  How inconsiderate!!! Seriously people, get over yourselves.  The bar has great booze, amazing records spinning and a lively atmosphere. What the hell is not to like about that.  We got the attention of our surly bar lady and with our broken Japanese ordered some whiskey cocktails, dealer’s choice.  She whipped up some very tasty concoctions and left us to enjoy them while she changed records.  She seemed to be in charge of the music, so of course I started wondering if she was Martha.  After our second round of osusume cocktails (gin for me and tequila for David), I mustered up the Dutch courage to hobble together in Japanese the question, “Are you Martha?”.  A huge smile crossed her formerly surly face and she ran to the back of the bar to flick through some albums.  She came back and showed me the back of Tom Waits’ album, Closing Time and pointed to one of the songs, “Martha”.  She smiled again as we put on our coats and left.  See, it’s not that hard to make friends with people that others might consider rude.  All you’ve gotta do is be silly, nice and just a little bit drunk.

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Uh, I’ll do what I goddamn please. In the toilet anyway.

bar-martha

But not where people can see, and evict, me – in which case I’ll use a photo I found on Google Images. Two walls are completely covered, from floor to ceiling in records.  Vinyl heaven!!!

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The last song on Side 1 – Martha.

INFO:
1 Chome-22-23 Ebisu, 渋谷区 Shibuya-ku, Tōkyō-to 150-0013, Japan
+81 3 3441 5055
1900-0500

CLICK FOR MAP

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EBISU YOKOCHO

What is a yokocho, you ask.  I must admit, I was also in the dark until our most recent trip enlightened me, as I am about to enlighten you.  The literal translation is “an alleyway off to the side of a main street”.  How that translates into real life is a collection of small eateries and drinkeries all collected in an enclosed alleyway.  This is NOT fancy food.  It’s rough, and it’s a little bit intimidating, but it’s also a lot of fun.  We were in between eating gigs (again) and only had time to drop in for a quick sake.  This little shop had a few big bottles peering at us seductively, so we stopped for a while.  The only other customers were three burly Japanese men who good-naturedly (I think) made fun of us until we took off our coats and sat down. Once we were seated, I instantly felt at home and we osusume’d our way to this delicious sake (I told you that phrase came in handy).  My suggestion to you, if you want to visit a yokocho – have a drink before you go, just to loosen up a bit, and then walk through and try a little something something from each of the shops.  While they all serve something different, the one thing on the menu that they all offer is Japanese hospitality.

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So you can aim where you’re drinking.

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Really delicious sake in a really rough and tumble alleyway.

INFO:
Some stalls are open from 1100, but most open at 1700 and stay open until very late

CLICK FOR MAP

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BIG ECHO KARAOKE

What to say about karaoke in Tokyo.  Bloody hell!  Just… bloody hell.  It’s fun.  It’s dangerous. It’s addictive.  It’s something we do every time we go to Tokyo, and something we will continue doing whenever we go back.  We like the Big Echo chain, and in particular the one across the street from Ebisu Station.  They have different size rooms depending on your group, and we always get the smallest but there’s still room for at least four people in there (maybe you’ll join us next time!).  It ain’t fancy but it has everything you need.  There’re booths, a table, a television and speakers, microphones, tambourines, a telephone and a drinks menu. There might be a food menu too, but I wouldn’t know coz we don’t come here to eat, bitches! We come here to sing, and we come here to drink.  What we like to do is order bottles of dry sparkling sake and glasses of umeshu, a kind of sour, kind of sweet liqueur made from ume plums.  And what we do is tell the staff to keep ’em coming!! Because everyone knows you can’t do karaoke unless you’re drunk!  Time behaves differently in Big Echo. You walk in at 10pm, all bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to party, and about forty five minutes later you’re stumbling out into the cold street and it’s 4.15am! This happens ALL the time.  I tell you – it’s dangerous.  This time we decided we had to do a David Bowie, George Michael and Prince tribute. Seven hours wasn’t enough, so we did another five hours a few days later.  Dangerous.

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Enter these doors if you dare.

INFO:
Various locations throughout the city

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AFURI RAMEN

Thank god for Afuri Ramen.  In more ways than one.  Firstly, it’s fucking amazing ramen – a lighter variety that’s made from chicken rather than pork stock, it’s also seasoned with yuzu, a tangy Japanese citrus that makes the soup dance in your mouth. Secondly, it closes at 5am which is the ONLY reason we ever left the Big Echo karaoke before the sun came up. I swear, if this place was open 24 hours a day, we’d still be doing karaoke.  This ramen calms you down, but revitalises you at the same time.  It’s a miracle cure for whatever might ail you, especially if you’ve gone a little overboard on the drinking.  You MUST eat here if you are ever in Tokyo.  And when you face down that vending machine all written in Japanese, just press the button with the handwritten sign that says #1 Classic.  That’s all you need to know. You will thank me later.

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What you need to perk you up at the end of a long night of drinking.

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We stuck to the classic Tanrei (which was recommended), and never once felt we were missing anything.

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Oh my god, the ramen.

INFO:
1F, 117 Bld., 1-1-7 Ebisu, Shibuya-ku, Tokyo
1100-0500

CLICK FOR MAP

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LIBRARY LOUNGE THESE

So there was a LOT of beer and a LOT of sake drunk on this trip (did you happen to notice that?).  Sometimes, you just get a hankering for a good ol’ cocktail, so we headed out to find Library Lounge These (with a minor accidental detour to a French/Japanese fusion izakaya for a glass of wine along the way). When we arrived, we were greeted warmly (a stark contrast to the welcome we received at the edgier Bar Martha) and shown to the bar before being presented with a bowl of fruit and asked to pick a couple each.  David went with pomegranate and lemon, while I chose mint and lemongrass.  Hey, we’re nothing if not adventurers.  We watched the man behind the bar do his magic and then marvelled at the beautiful libations he presented us.  And then we drank them, and we ordered some more.  This is a really lovely place where you could spend some serious time having some seriously good cocktails.

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Fruit, glorious fruit

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Pomegranate & lemon

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Lemongrass & mint

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Pear & ginger

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Tequila negroni – YUM!

INFO:
〒106-0031 Tokyo, Minato, Nishiazabu, 2−15−12, カルテットビル 1F
+81 3 5466 7331
1900-0400 (-0200 on Sundays)

CLICK FOR MAP

* an izakaya is a place that serves sake but usually only with food – it’s not a bar, it’s not a restaurant, it’s an izakaya.

Ejo #68 – Drunk In….. Budapest

It’s been a few months since I popped my “Drunk In…..” series cherry in Tokyo and it’s about time to bring you the next edition.  This time we get tipsy in Budapest – an excellent city to continue the series.

If you have the means (and you do - it's extremely reasonably priced), I recommend you get your ass to the Danube Symphony Orchestra.

If you have the means (and you do – it’s extremely reasonably priced), I recommend you get your ass to the Danube Symphony Orchestra.

Budapest is a very old city bursting with youthful exuberance.  It is a most charming blend of classic (architecture, culture) and contemporary (street art, night life).  So whilst David and I most definitely delighted in a healthy dose of cultivated entertainment (Danube Symphony Orchestra, yo!), we also really enjoyed the more down to earth, rustic pleasures the city had to offer.  And those consisted mostly of something called ruin bars (or ruin pubs).

A ruin bar is what it says on the label.  It’s a bar set in a ruin (of which the city boasts many). Essentially, they are derelict buildings converted into watering holes.  It is the diametric opposite of the type of bar that blooms in Dubai, where everything has to be huge, shiny, new, glistening and glamorous.  These ruin bars revel in being as crude, rudimentary, homespun, makeshift and DIY as possible.  They are outfitted with various bric-a-brac, found objects and second hand stuff.  They are a tonic to my soul.

The very first ruin bar was Szimpla Kert (kert means garden in Hungarian).  Rather than allow the demolition of an abandoned building back in 2001, a group of entrepreneurial, young, free thinkers managed to convince the city to leave the vestige standing and allow them to open up a bar/open air cinema which they outfitted with whatever furniture they could find. It stands today, not only as a monument to the progressive and tolerant ways of this European city, but as an inspiration for an entire subculture of taverns that remain unique to Budapest. Why allow these abandoned buildings, relics of a painful past, to stand empty? Why spend money to demolish them, simply to build new, garish constructions?  And why not allow their historic bones to be fleshed out with the spirited liveliness of youth and enthusiasm.  Why not, indeed?

We tried several ruin bars and these are our favourites.

Mika Kert
This was the least well known but our very favourite kert.  It was ultra relaxed – an unkempt dive-bar in a back yard, strung with fairy lights and odd garden furniture (including a boat!!!). One of this place’s strong points is that they make VERY strong, cheap drinks. There is a nightclub attached to it but we just went to the beer garden, which was great. Very relaxed.

Amazing street out looks over this relaxed bar.

Amazing street art looks over this relaxed bar.

OK, so we got the strongest drink on the block (Long Island Ice Tea), but I have never seen it served like this.  That is pretty well just spirits (five of 'em) and a dash of coke for propriety.

OK, so we got the strongest drink on the block (Long Island Ice Tea), but I have never seen it served like this. It’s pretty well just spirits (five of ’em) and a dash of coke for propriety.

Anker’T
This place can apparently get super busy on weekends and late at night but we went in the afternoons and it was very chilled out.  It was another favourite because again, it was very easy going and laid back and it was literally a five minute walk from our house.  Always service with a smile (not something you get at all the ruin bars – I’m looking at you Szimpla!!!) and again, super cheap.

Anker'T

Anker’T

Look for the big A.

Look for the big A.

Inside the courtyard.

Inside the courtyard.  Notice the “ruin” setting.

Grandio Bar
This great ruin bar is part of a hostel complex – so there are always backpackers slouching around, but that’s cool.  The wonderful, thing about this bar is the gorgeous garden.  It feels like a real escape into a garden of Eden (where they just happen to serve cheap drinks).  It’s a wonderful place to spend a few hours reading a book and enjoying the chirping of the birds while drinking $2 beers.

Grandio's beautiful garden.

Grandio’s beautiful garden.

So, apart from ruin pubs there are also a few other types of drinking establishments.  Two of our favourites are both very nice, and very different.  The first is a craft beer bar and the second a high end cocktail mixology den.

Kandallo Artisinal Pub
Budapest is renowned for its cheap beer (and seriously, it’s fucking cheap) but this place serves not just cheap beer, but artisinally made craft beer, along with the kind of food that is perfect for soaking up an afternoon of being drunk in Budapest.  Wonderful chicken wings and an assortment of burgers.  If you’re feeling game, try the cherry beer (it’s a unique flavour, popular in Hungary).

List of craft beers (you may need someone to translate for you - or.... just point to one and hope you like it)

List of craft beers (you may need someone to translate for you – or…. do what we did and just point to one and hope you like it)

Yep!  Cherry beer is EXACTLY what we wanted.

Yep! Cherry beer is EXACTLY what we wanted.

Spicy chicken wings hit the spot (as did the accompanying, thick-cut roast potato).

Spicy chicken wings hit the spot (as did the accompanying, thick-cut roast potato).

Pulled pork burger with yummy coleslaw.  Perfect end to a night trawling the ruin bars of Budapest.

Pulled pork burger with yummy coleslaw. Perfect end to a night trawling the ruin bars of Budapest.

Bar Pharma
AMAZING cocktails. Very intricate recipes and exotic ingredients – high end mixology.  The first night we went, we managed to sneak in, just as they were preparing to close (the owner/manager was sweet talking a young lady who was sitting on a stool in the corner of the bar and I think we interrupted his smooth moves).  The second night, we were greeted like old friends.  This place is not for everyone, but for the travelling drinker that appreciates fine cocktails, you will find a home at Bar Pharma.

Bar Pharma is the place to go for precisely measured concoctions that will tickle your finer sensibilities.  Go at the start of the evening, rather than the end.  You'll appreciate the art of the drink better.

Bar Pharma is the place to go for precisely measured concoctions that will tickle your finer sensibilities. Go at the start of the evening, rather than the end. You’ll appreciate the art of the drink better.

Having studied chemistry at high school and university, there is something very appealing to me about a bar that takes it's ethos from the lab.

Having studied chemistry at high school and university, there is something very appealing to me about a bar that takes it’s ethos from the lab.

Cocktail 1

Cocktail 1

Cocktail 2

Cocktail 2

Cocktail 3 (yes, that is a popcorn rim)

Cocktail 3 (yes, that is a popcorn rim)

Cocktail 4

Cocktail 4

Cocktail 5

Cocktail 5

Eat & Meet
Not necessarily adjunct to the drinking experience of Budapest, but most certainly one that I would highly recommend anyway, is an interesting pop-up restaurant called Eat & Meet (which is a godawful name, but a really wonderful concept).  Suzie, a young Hungarian woman with a love of food, entrepreneurial spirit and pride for her city, hosts up to ten guests at a time for dinner in her parent’s apartment.  Suzie’s parents serve up delicious, home-made Hungarian food and local wines while Suzie sits at the table and entertains.  It’s a truly unique experience and one that I’d highly recommend.  If you are interested, Suzie also does foodie tours of the city.

The view from the apartment.

View of the Danube from Suzie’s parents’ apartment.

Dessert - chocolate cake with cherry filling.  Divine.

I was too busy enjoying the food and chatting with other guests to take photos of the three other courses.  Suffice to say I had seconds of the main dish.  Here is dessert – chocolate cake with cherry filling. Divine.

Retro Bufe Langos
Langos is a typical Hungarian snack of fried bread (oh yeah, baby, I said fried bread!!!!) topped with various ingredients. Hungarians eat it with just cream cheese and cheese, but other offerings are available too.  This is very, very naughty food – but soooooooooooo good.  I’d say this particular langos shop is the best one in Budapest (going from my research and how damn delicious it was!!!).

Menu

Menu

Hungarian style (plus fried, crispy onion - which I can never say not to if it's offered to me)

Hungarian style (plus fried, crispy onion – which I simply can’t refuse, if it’s on offer)

And, coz I like my onion, Hungarian style (cream cheese and cheese) but with a topping of fresh onion.

And, coz I like my onion, Hungarian sausage langos: cream cheese and cheese, fresh onion and Hungarian sausage.  Mmmmmm!  Wash it all down with a refreshing Hungarian brew.

My Little Melbourne
Anyone who’s ever been drunk anywhere knows how important coffee is the next day.  My regular readers will know how much I love coffee (and how I despair at the crap coffee found in Dubai). So whenever we travel I compile a list of the “best” places to get coffee and we make an effort to try all of them before settling on a favourite.  For me, My Little Melbourne was the best coffee in Budapest, hands down.  Espresso Embassy is supposedly ranked up there, but it tasted like they made the coffee with long life milk (which is unacceptable to me). The owners of My Little Melbourne aren’t actually Melburnians but a Hungarian couple who went to Melbourne on a vacation and loved the coffee so much, they brought the style and ethos back to Budapest.  They do perfect lattes and flat whites.

My Little Melbourne serving (what I think is) the best coffee in Budapest.

My Little Melbourne serving (what I think is) the best coffee in Budapest.

Look at that froth.  Cappuccino perfection.

Look at that froth. Cappuccino perfection.

Ejo #49 – Before The Ejo (A Travel Disaster Trip Down Memory Lane)

 

I’d been tossing up a few ideas for December’s ejo, but they were all cast aside when I discovered this old gem lurking in the depths of my computer. I do believe I am about to present to you my very first ejo, written over seven years ago. My first travel essay, written about my first travel misadventure, on my first solo trip abroad. Some of you will remember it. For others it will be new. I present to you the abridged, Editor’s Cut version of the essay for your holiday season reading pleasure.

 

Buon giorno tutti,

 

I am about to regale for you, a tale of travel misery and woe.

 

It all started when I landed at Milano Bergamo airport on the 28th April 2006. I’d caught an early flight from London, so had been up since 4.30am. When I landed in Italy, I took the shuttle bus from the airport to Milano Centrale Stazione where I was to catch another bus to Milano Garibaldi station to catch a bus to Siena. Simple, right?? Sure, except that someone told me there were no buses at that time. No problem, I caught a taxi (for €10, which was a bit of a rip off, but hey, I was excited about being in Italy). When I got to Garibaldi, I went to the ticket area and asked about my planned 2.15pm bus to Siena only to be told that it had been cancelled because of a national transport strike due to finish at 3pm that day – crazy Italians and their crazy striking. I asked about the next bus and was told that all buses to Siena that day were booked out. “OK”, I thought to myself, “there are other avenues for me to take”. I’d go to the train station across the street and catch a train to Siena. Who needs the bus! So I schlepped across the road with my two suitcases and my heavy handbag thinking, “Wow, this is shaping up to be quite the adventure”. Oh, little did I know! I got to the train station ticket area and waited in line for 45 minutes before being told that all the trains to Siena were booked out for the day. No more seats to Siena.

 

I started to panic internally, but tried to keep a cool facade. ‘Keep It Together’ became my mantra, whispered under my breath over and over again. My problem was that I’d booked a car rental in Siena that had to be picked up by 11am the next day. If I didn’t collect it, the reservation would be cancelled. I figured (after a bit more thought) that the best solution would be to hire a car from Milan to Siena. I walked 20 minutes into town carrying my cases and my big, fat, stupid handbag looking for car rental offices. I eventually found a Thrifty where they told me they had only one car left – a Smart car (you know, those ridiculous little boxes that seat two people and not much else). It was €55 for one day. I suspected they were trying to rip me off, and (thinking myself the rather savvy traveller) thought I should be able to get a better deal somewhere else (oh, the naivety).

 

I walked around town for another half an hour (yes, lugging my luggage) to discover that I’d somehow managed to arrive in Italy on a long weekend (who knew!!!), so all the cars were gone. ALL OF THEM! I hurried back to Thrifty and was relieved to find the Smart car was still available. However, because I was going one way I would have to pay an extra €45. This seemed quite ridiculous and, at that stage, unacceptable, so I figured I’d spend the night in a Milan hotel and get into Siena first thing in the morning to pick up my Siena car rental (are you following all this??).

 

I haughtily turned my back on Thrifty and returned to the bus station to ask about the earliest bus into Siena the next day. It didn’t arrive in Siena until 2.45pm, so I rang the Siena car rental office to change my booking pick-up time from 11am to 3pm. They told me that they closed at 12.30pm and that if I didn’t pick up the car before then I would forfeit the rental. ARGH!!!!

 

So I trudged across to the train station to find out if the trains left any earlier than the buses. But no, it was the same deal with the trains. The earliest didn’t get there until 1pm. Too late for me.

 

I had now reached desperation stage. Melting under the Milanese sun, I dragged myself – hot, shitty and sweaty – back to the Thrifty car rental place, resentfully forked out €100 and signed the paperwork on the bloody Smart car. It was the only way I could get to Siena in time to pick up my Siena rental. When they pointed out that Thrifty didn’t have an office in Siena, I waved the problem away. “You have an office in Firenze, 70km north of Siena?? No worries. Please just give me the car keys. Now!”

 

I devised a cunning plan (pay attention, now) to drive the Milan rental to Siena, sleep the night in my booked accommodation, drive the Milan rental to the Siena rental place, pick up the keys to my Siena rental, park it somewhere it wouldn’t incur a ticket, drive the Milan rental to Firenze, drop it off and then catch a bus from Firenze back to Siena to pick up the Siena rental from where I’d parked it and then drive to my villa in Tuscany. Brilliant plan, no?! Obviously I like to make life difficult for myself – but I honestly couldn’t think of another way around it. I had exhausted all other options.

 

I got directions out of Milan, but somehow managed to find myself a) in peak hour, long weekend traffic, b) going round in circles because the stupid signs didn’t make any sense, and c) driving like a maniac in order to avoid being murdered by what I had started referring to as Fucking Crazy Italians!!!!

 

It took me two, long and exhausting, hours to get out of Milan onto the highway for Siena. I literally whooped with joy when I was established outside of the city. It was, by now, 6pm and I had a 375km drive ahead of me, after having eaten NO FOOD for 14 hours, and being VERY TIRED INDEED and having a PRETTY BAD HEADACHE!!!! Still, things were OK. All I had to do was concentrate on the fact that I was driving a death-trap and that I was doing it on the wrong side of the road. Oh yes, and deal with the thunderstorm that decided to follow me along the highway dumping rain on me and my little jalopy, drastically reducing my visibility and traction on the road. And then, at about 11pm, I also had to contend with a 30km bumper-to-bumper traffic jam on the freeway due to roadworks into Siena. But I was heading in the right direction and I was happy.

 

So around midnight I made it to Siena, proper – absolutely exhausted and kind of hallucinating about going to sleep. I won’t even go into how many times I had just wanted to stop the car and transport myself back to Australia, back into my bed, safe and sound asleep. Let’s just say it was LOTS.

 

So, as I was circling the city it occurred to me that, whilst I had a street address for the small hotel I was staying in, I had no map and no directions. Minor problem after what I’d just experienced, quite frankly. “I’ll just drive around and find it,” I thought to myself. HAHAHA!!!! Have you ever been to Siena? It’s a city with a population of about 50,000. It’s freaking huge. Good luck finding a hotel if you have no idea where to look. This eventually dawned on me and I stopped at a large hotel to ask for a map. I found the street I was looking for on the map and realised it was inside the city walls, i.e. no cars allowed. So I parked close to where I thought the hotel would be and headed into the ancient city on foot to conduct a reconnaissance mission. I found myself delving deeper and deeper into the city, going into progressively darker and creepier little alleys – though by this stage the idea of being murdered, and my body being disposed of, was actually very comforting. Just as I was about to give up, resigned to spending the night in my “vehicle”, I looked up from my dragging feet and there it was. Hotel Antica Torre!! There was a note on the door with my name on it, with a key inside. I squealed a little and jumped up and down with sheer happiness at having found it.

 

I managed to find my way back to the car and dragged my suitcases along the cobbled street, probably waking up all the Sienese residents – but I wasn’t about to do anyone any favours by carrying them. I just didn’t have it in me at this stage. As I climbed up the stairs to my room, I could SMELL sleep!! I had a shower, and collapsed on the bed. I had very bad dreams that night!!

 

The next day was better. But I truly must be an arrogant and audacious individual, because I took the Milan rental car to Firenze with absolutely no directions, no map, and (even worse this time) no address. What is WRONG with me!!?? Once I got there, I just drove around in crazy circles (like a Fucking Crazy Italian – the streets of Italy no longer held any secrets for me). I stopped and asked for directions about twenty times, and then, lo and behold, I found the damn office and I dropped off the damn car, got on a damn bus to Siena, caught a taxi to the Siena car rental, drove to my villa and pretty much died of happiness.

 

Last year, David and I spent some time in Siena (still one of my favourite places in the world despite my traumatic experience). Why don’t you check out my photo series from our visit: Pedestrians Of Siena.