Last month I wrote about us choosing to stay in Dubai even though I don’t enjoy living here. One of my (formerly) loyal readers didn’t like the post and left this comment on 3rd January:
Hello, I had already written to you and I read your posts each time there a new one, but I am so disappointed by your latest one, this will be the last one I read from you as we do not share the same vision of expatriation.
Indeed I am very disappointed by the way you think. Of course we are all free to express our thoughts and feelings but I experience this everyday in France where I live and that just pisses me off. I keep hearing people living in my country saying they don’t like anything about it (and sometimes anyone). This is so disrespectful. I am not saying we should like everybody and everything but at least we shouldn’t be allowed to be so ungrateful towards a country which has accepted you, we shouldn’t stay in a place we don’t respect (although some might say this is not a matter of respect, I do believe that you can’t respect people or a place you have absolutely no positive thought about).
People always endeavour to live in a better world but how will it ever be possible when after years living in a place where you have been given a new start in life your conclusion is that the only thing you like about it is escaping it!! For sure no place is perfect in this world and we can rightfully talk about the pros and cons objectively but rejecting so many things and all the people as a whole is just unacceptable to me.
You may not understand my post. You might even be angry at me, telling me not to come back to your ejo if I don’t like it. But I just needed to express myself! I don’t understand how you can enjoy travelling so much and be so narrow minded. Peace in the world will never happen with such comments, I am not sure you would understand people liking nothing about your country and staying anyway, that is unfair and you talked about racism but do you think such a blog will help? This is quite sad.
My reaction to this letter was physical. I felt out of breath, like I’d been punched. I felt sick. The concept of her statement was nothing new to me. David and I often argue that if I hate Dubai so much, perhaps we should just leave. My therapist, Zimmy, always tries her best to help me see Dubai more positively. But it took the words coming from a complete stranger to have the most impact on me. I felt gutted. And I went to bed in tears resolving to change.
After sleeping on it, I woke up seeing a more balanced picture. On the one hand, I don’t want to be perceived as a horrible, twisted, negative, complaining person. On the other, I want the freedom to publish exactly how I feel. I have never set out to sledge Dubai. I have only attempted to convey my own difficulty at finding a connection and love for the city I live in. And, as I wrote to Flo (my former loyal reader), “I have always imagined that my ejo rants were written in an entertaining way, tongue-in-cheek”.
Four days after Flo wrote to me telling me she didn’t like the way I was using words to disrespect the city I’ve chosen to live in, the world was shocked by the appalling Charlie Hebdo attacks in which twelve people were killed, ostensibly in an assault against freedom of speech. I was too stunned by the magnitude and the meaning of what had happened in Paris to make any kind of connection between that and my own freedom to express myself in my ejos. But it occurs to me now that while it would be foolish to make a comparison between myself and the Parisian publication, parallels can be drawn to any person who elects to express themselves publicly.
Was Charlie Hebdo promoting racism by reprinting supposedly blasphemous cartoons of an Islamic prophet? Or were they using satire to make a point? Have I unwittingly been promoting racism by bitching about Dubai? Or have I been trying to draw attention to a monster problem that exists in this city? Is Flo’s response to my ejo a charge against my own freedom of speech? And if so, should I fight back by continuing to publish and voice my opinion? Or should I fold to her criticism?
I’ve decided that Flo’s comments are simply her freely expressing how she feels. And that’s OK. I don’t think she’s trying to tell me to change the way I write. I think she’s telling me that she just no longer wants to read it. And that’s OK too. Am I sad to lose a reader? Yes. But I don’t write my ejos in order to collect subscribers. I write them for me. I can not, and will not, allow someone else’s opinion of me to change the way I write or what I write about.
Je suis Chryss.
Well said. D.D.
Thanks DD. Thanks for helping me figure out my thoughts before publishing it too. ❤
Hello Chryss, this is Flo, I don’t know if you’ll be disappointed to read this message or upset to have me again giving you the impression to prevent you from being free (which I am not if you read my former post carefully) but as you asked me to read your ejo one last time, here I am reading it for the last time.
I wanted to answer the mail you sent me but I can’t find your address any longer. I’m (almost) sure you won’t be willing to know what I think more precisely but if I am wrong feel free to send me your email again as I would be glad to tell you that you completely misunderstood the Charlie Hebdo event. You think of yourself as the “Charlie side” but it is just the opposite, you are not the one fighting for your right to comply with your laws, your rules, your values and your history, …. Your are on the other side, you’re the one going to a country, settling there, being accepted and not accepting the rules, wishing to leave and tell them to fuck off (as you said) after living there for a few years. Your not the one doing something your roots allow you to and not wanting others to deprive you of what you were given by your country, your culture, your way of life, on the contrary you’re the one living in a foreign country you don’t like at all, telling people they have nothing interesting to offer you. Up to now I’ve lived in 3 different countries and I’ve always endeavoured to respect and understand as much as I could our differences (this is often precisely why expatriation can be so enriching). I could say so much more but this is your ejo and as you inferred it NO I do not want to change the way you think, nor the way you write although it was really fun a few months ago. So that’s OK you are Chryss for your personality but definitely not for the comparison with “je suis Charlie” meaning. I still think that in your previous ejo freedom is not the point as you are and will remain free but you were disrespectful not because you say what you think, not because anyone would want you not to be free, not at all but just because it is like you take up an invitation, you stay at your guest’s, enjoy the meal, have a nice drink, chat with people, laugh with them and then tell them they don’t meet your expectations, you don’t like them but still you’ll stay at their place till you decide to tell them to fuck off (again your words), this is an offence to think Charlie was about that and this is an offence to people welcoming you ! But anyway as freedom was the core of this ejo since it was what mattered to you, congrats Chryss you are free !
Hi Flo, I’m not disappointed to hear from you. Though I am disappointed that you appear to misunderstand me, completely. I am the first to admit that I have been enriched by living here. A number of my earlier ejos demonstrate that. Over time, however, my experience of this city is not as positive as you appear to have imagined. Your analogy of me being invited as a guest, wined and dined and entertained is way off the mark. And truly, the best part of me living here is the opportunity to travel 6-7 times a year and experience a world that I would never have been able to do so from Australia.
Ultimately though, my experience here, my life here is not great. And I have the right to write about my experiences as honestly as I like. You, on the other hand, have the freedom, if you don’t like what I am saying, to not read it.
I wish you the best.
You can’t please all the people all the time, Chryssa…and as someone far wittier than me once said “Fuck ’em if they cant take a joke!”
Thanks Jimbo!! x
Hi, very tired Brit here, just wanted to say I enjoyed this ejo & yr bit about the Asian labourers. Smile at them & say hello to them for me & say thats from a hairy old Brit! ;-]
Well hello! You’ve certainly made my day, so thank you. I do always try to smile at those guys, coz no matter how tough I’m finding it, their lives are almost unimaginably worse.
Just one point. Us Aussies, when we get a new one ripped for us, we get a new arsehole, not donkeyhole. Say whatever else you want to in future as we are all a bit precious sometimes.
Well, well, well, would you look at who it is!! Nicely said, RobK. Thank you. x